No Contractual Open Adoption – From a Birth Mother

You can’t even imagine how happy I was to read these words from The Happiest Sad blog:

My conviction had to be about what Roo was going to get out of adoption, not about what I would get from it. My choice for her wasn’t open adoption. It was simply adoption. Openness was a happy by-product, not the end goal.

The thing is, I trust P and M to make choices for Roo that are in her best interest. If I didn’t trust them to do that, I wouldn’t have trusted them enough to place her with them. I will admit that in the beginning, openness was very much about me and my needs. I feel kind of bad about that in retrospect. The most important person in Roo’s adoption is Roo. Every decision about openness that is made should be made in her best interest.

You see, in this particular blog post a birth mother talks about her decision to create a placement plan for her child. She talks about how she would not have wanted an enforceable openness plan because:

The choice I made to place Roo for adoption was the first decision I ever made in my life that had absolutely nothing to do with me. It had everything to do with her. I placed with the hope of an open adoption, but I also placed knowing that openness wasn’t guaranteed and that it might not be forever. I had to be okay with that.

Since we are not matched yet, I don’t really have any strong feelings about close, semi-closed, semi-open or open adoptions. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure what each one would mean for our family. I am sure that once we get there I hope we have the opportunity to work with a birth family like this:

Adoptive parents are real parents. I don’t use modifiers when I talk about P and M. They’re simply her mom and dad. Roo’s welfare is completely up to them. They are the sole and absolute judges of what’s best for her, and that’s how it should be. They know her a lot better than I do. If there ever came a time when openness wasn’t good for Roo, I would expect them to close the adoption, because Roo comes first. I’m sure I’d be wrecked for a while if they closed things, but I trust them completely, and I trust that if they closed things, it would be because it was best for Roo, and that they would communicate that to me with love and respect. I would do my best to weather that storm. I’ve been through worse.

 

Read the whole post here.

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