Foster Care Adoption – Hurt Feelings

So … last night He and I had a difference of opinion over whether our potential kid should keep the name that their parents gave ’em or whether we should re-name the kid. For us, it was a pretty major fight. We don’t yell at each other and whatnot, but we went to sleep without speaking .. which for us is HUGE! What made me so angry was that he made a comment about us being “desperate” to adopt because we are subjecting ourselves to the adoption process (which IS a pain in the ass by the way …).

Anyhoo … I keep thinking about it and I think what’s bothering me is the fact that I did not come from a stable family and spent the years from 13 – 15 in foster care and from 15 – 17 in kinship care. I aged out at 17. When he makes comments about a kid that we might adopt from foster care I feel like he’s talking about me. Every off-hand comment makes me feel like he’s judging me, how I grew up, my experiences and the person that I am now. It also makes me really want to adopt from foster care because I may be able to provide a supportive shoulder for any child that we might adopt. Of course we’ll have difference experiences, but maybe my crappy experience can help someone else.



2 thoughts on “Foster Care Adoption – Hurt Feelings

  1. Maybe you should talk to him and tell him how you really feel about the comments he is making. Also give him time to process all that is going on with the adoption because it can be tough and frustrating. Try to understand each other and get on the same page. Keep your head up…everything will be alright.

  2. Yeah … we talked about it and he mentioned that he’s worried about the uncertainty of it all. He wasn’t planning on having to think about “sharing” his kid with another set of parents and/or another family. Sometimes it all feels overwhelming for him.

    It’s overwhelming for me as well.

    I figure we’ll jest stay the course and see how things turn out. I see my feelings changing over time too.

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