Adopting the “Wrong” Child

This is a toughee.

I read an article from an adoptive family that felt like, “Do I regret adopting? To be truthful, yes, I sometimes do. I sometimes wonder if we did the right thing in adopting the children.” People were commenting on Facebook about how these were terrible people and I was really hurt by that. It’s 1) unreasonable to act like parenting is all daisies and waterfalls (regardless of how your kids came to be in your family) and that people with parents never remember their time pre-children with fond memories and 2) unconscionable that people that have not had to deal with this unique (because every person, family, and kid is unique) family dynamic would tell this family how to feel.

I’m sharing this story because I think that we all are going to have our good times and our bad times and it’s okay to feel however you feel.

I wanted to adopt a girl and my husband wanted a boy. We couldn’t agree on that until the day we met David and Lisa. Two little cute children from the same family. We instantly decided we would adopt the two. They didn’t look very much like Dave and me but that didn’t seem to matter. Little David was 3 and Lisa was 6 years old. The adoption process took forever and one Saturday morning we had a complete family of four.

I was so excited I couldn’t stop crying. I had spent so many years waiting for this moment to finally become a mother. I had spent months buying children’s clothing and toys and everything I could think of. It was just PERFECT.

Few weeks later we discovered that little David had learning difficulties. He was a happy child but just couldn’t seem to learn. Lisa on the other hand was very good at school but had a very hot temper. She seemed to be angry at every given moment a sign of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). We still have to deal with that. I live in constant fear of what might later crop up with raising our children. I don’t know if this feeling is normal even with birth children. I have never expected child rearing to be so difficult. There are joyful moments but I sometimes wondered if we would have been better off just the two of us. Do I regret adopting? To be truthful, yes, I sometimes do. I sometimes wonder if we did the right thing in adopting the children. I mostly get this feeling whenever we go through difficult times with our children. Someone once told me, “No child comes with a guaranty”.

Read the whole story here.


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