Week 3 – Class 3 Emotional Manipulation?


This week’s foster/adoption class was named Permanence of Children but it should have been named Manipulating You Into Taking a Kid You Don’t Want. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen tonight, but I didn’t think that the whole class would be about:

  • How different drugs effect a baby en utero.
  • The chaos, and negative behaviors, that come from living in a home with parents that are doing drugs.
  • The mental disorders that many kids in our county’s foster care system have including ADHD, PTSD and anxiety and bi-polar syndrome.

I do think that these are things that need to be discussed in foster care and adoption. I do not think that we should be told that if a child has one incidence of “playing” with fire then the kid will have a box about being a firestarter checked off and if we say that we don’t want a firestarter then we won’t be matched with this kid (we’ve all played with fire as kids, c’mon!). If a kid bit another kid at daycamp one day 3 years ago then the child will have it marked in their jacket that they bite and if we say that we don’t want a biter then we won’t be matched with that kid. If we say that we don’t want a kid with mental disorders then we won’t be matched with a Safe Haven baby because they don’t know the health history of the baby or family. If we say that we don’t want a child with a history of mental disorders in the family then we might not be matched with an infant because they can’t guarantee that at some point the kid won’t develop mental issues.

Really? Really.

Soooooo we shouldn’t mark anything off so we’ll be available to match with any child. The downside being that, “If you say you want a toddler then don’t call us complaining that he’s tantruming” even though you just explained that a toddler that has been drug exposed and has ADHD/bi-polar may have SEVERAL negative behaviors that will need drugs and months of therapy so we can’t expect that toddler to behave like any other toddler.

It seemed like they spent a lot of time downplaying things with the kids so we’d change our dream sheets and they could match us with a kid that we don’t want. Errrr! What happened to being honest about what we wanted?

I’m trying to just trust in the process …. trust in the process ….



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