Not Seeing Birth Parents as Victims

I just got done reading this article about the buying and selling and children (also know as adoption). I don’t disagree that:

1) Babies are being sold by agencies and facilitators for profit.

2) Babies are being purchased by adoptive parents.

I do wonder where the birth parents come into the picture. I’ve read tons of articles from birth parents highlighting the problems they see with adoption. I’ve read that agencies are evil money-making machines that are only out to separate parents from children for profit. I’ve read that at worst adoptive parents are only out to get a baby by any means or at best adoptive parents are naive and get conned into buying babies by evil agencies.

Um … are agencies trolling the malls looking for pregnant people so they can follow them home, wait for the baby to be born and kidnap the baby as the parents sleep? I didn’t think so. Just once I’d love to read an article from a birth mother that says:

#1 I miss my kid.

#2 If I had it to do over again I would do it differently.

#3 I take responsibility for choosing to have my baby adopted in the first place.


Is that too much to ask?


5 thoughts on “Not Seeing Birth Parents as Victims

  1. Thank you for the link back. A few thoughts.

    You stated “I do wonder where the birth parents come into the picture”. They give birth to the babies that agencies and prospective adopters later procure for their own benefit.

    If you read more of my blog you will see, I do miss my kid. I do wish I had done it differently and I do take partial responsibility for what happened to me and my first born child. The remaining goes to the church, my parents, the maternity home I was kept in for 5 months, the Illinois adoption broker that threatened to sue me and my parents if I did not surrender my child. Adoption coercion is very real. Adoption is multi- billion dollar unregulated industry. The demand for children increases as the supply decreases. Some agencies and prospective adopters resort to unethical practices to procure the children.

    I encourage you to continue your reading of my blog or others to learn more. You might start here. Also, the agency that sold my child is well documented. If you are a prospective adopter, you would be wise to avoid any agency that smells like them. You can read more about them here

  2. I think there are a lot of women (probably a lot lot lot) who are totally fine with their decision to place their babies for adoption, and don’t feel they were manipulated, etc. However, they’re just not blogging about it much, because what’s to say??

    Also, I couldn’t read that whole article you linked to because the term “adopters” is disgusting to me.

  3. I don’t agree that adoption is the buying and selling of children. I believe that it can be that, and that it certainly seems that way to outsiders. I believe that fees for adoptions themselves have gotten ridiculous.
    I read the blog Writing My Wrongs, and I have to take it with huge blocks of salt. Her experience is not every birthmother’s experience, just like Jenna @ The Chronicles of Munchkinland does not write about every birthmother’s experience. If you’re not reading Munchkinland, you really should.
    I read a lot of birthmother blogs, and some of them either really are victims or see themselves as victims, but many of them are not and do not. While many of them regret the circumstances that lead to them placing their children for adoption, they don’t regret choosing adoption.
    I also strongly dislike the term “adopters.” I’m an adoptive parent, thank you very much. 🙂
    Now, all of that said, there are birthmothers who are totally coerced and manipulated into placing their children. I don’t think it happens all the time, but it probably happens more often than we’d like to believe.

  4. 1. i miss my kid
    2. if i had to do it all again, i’d have parented.
    3. i totally take responsibility for choosing adoption for my son. however, in a crisis mode, i couldn’t see the forest for the trees.

    there are so many birth/first parent blogs out there from all different perspectives. some are just peachy with their relationship with their child & the adoptive parents. some struggle for YEARS (i was one of them) learning to live with the repercussions. some are angry.

    i’ve never viewed myself as a victim of anything except for my lack of support from the people in my life and my own low self-esteem for believing i couldn’t parent alone.

  5. For what it is worth as an adoptee, father, adoption support worker, and a child protection professional, can I say. Any woman who finds herself pregnant and feels that she has to give up her child for adoption deserves all the help society can give her, the greatest thing we can do is to support her to keep her child, this would be the moral and ethical way to work within adoption. If that level of assistance was on offer then only those who genuinely feel they are not ready to parent would be relinquishing their children to adoption. The problem with this Ideal is that it won’t be supported by the adoption industry, by government or by the christian evangelists. If we genuinely cared we would help children stay with their mothers if that was in the best interest of the child. But this is all about money, look at the returns that the adoption professionals are filing every year and tell me that this isn’t just a business.
    Adrian Mckenna

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