I’m the fence about how much openness I would want in our adoption.
On the one hand:
- Having contact with one’s birth family is crucial to understanding who you are.
- Having more than one set of people loving you is awesome.
On the other hand:
- Since we’d like a newborn … wouldn’t it be more difficult for the birth parents to adjust to not being the main “parents” in their kid’s life?
I have no idea! I read this and it got me thinking … .the problem is …. I have no solution ….
A reader commented:
If a home is so bad that a child has to be removed from it and the first parents rights terminated doesn’t the child have to be protected? When a foster child is adopted don’t they need to know that their forever parents are forever and they are safe? I could see the benefit of keeping the door open, but it frightens me.
And a bit of her response was:
I may have given Erica a hug on our first meeting, but I that doesn’t mean I gave her my phone number, address, or even my last name. Initially, our contact was by P.O. Box and an anonymous (for me) email address, and our meetings were in public places. In our case, my husband and I eventually decided that those protections weren’t necessary, but they were in place at the start and could have remained so indefinitely.
An open adoption is different from allowing a child to remain in an unsafe home or returning the child to that home; it is a limited relationship that takes place in a structured, controlled environment. Most kids want that. They don’t want their parents to disappear completely, even if those parents weren’t able to care for them as well as they should have. The reasons why kids enter foster care are various and complex.
Every situation is different so I guess we won’t know until we’re in it ….