So I’m reading all of these articles about how adoption starts from loss and I’m thinking about the loss of the parent for the child. I’m thinking about the loss of the child for the parent. It never occurred to me that there was a loss for me (because we’re not infertile) and it never occurred to me that there was a loss for His parents.
I never thought about the fact that His parents may have been plotting on some biological grandkids that we have chosen not to deliver on. I never thought that they might be upset. Or sad. Or … or … anything. I hadn’t really considered that they were part of the equation.
Sometimes I’m really an ass.
We’re pretty close to his parents. We go over there at least once a week. They know that we are adopting, but I’ve left it to Him to talk with them about it. I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea. He talks to his mother, but not his father. I talk with his father, but haven’t really brought up the tough discussions about the adoption. Every now and again we get into arguments about Latinos (of which I am one), sexism (of which I’m totally against), LGBTQ issues (of which I’m staunchly an advocate for) and a myriad of other things that didn’t seem like big things until now.
I’m afraid that if we don’t talk about these things now there will be some ugliness later. I’m afraid to bring them up now because his family’s style is to be passive-aggressive where my family’s style is to be up-front. Our styles clash and there have been interactions that have left us incommunicado for weeks at a time. Ugh.
I’m not sure what to do. Do I bring things up now and get it over with or wait until later and hope that it isn’t as bad as I think it might be?