Are Kids Who Have Been Adopted REALLY Happy??


I just read this article that says:

In fact, the adopted teens in the study scored better than their nonadopted siblings or a sample of their peers in …

  • Connectedness—having three or more friends and having access to two or more nonparent adults for advice.
  • Caring—placing a high value on helping other people.
  • Social competency—friendship-making and assertiveness skills.

Adopted teens also scored higher than nonadopted adolescents in …

  • School achievement—having a B average or better and aspiring to higher education.

  • Optimism—expecting to be happy in 10 years and expecting to be successful as an adult.

  • Support—having a high level of support from parents and from school.

The article is great and it gives families dealing adoption a great shot in arm … but then you come to the comments …
I THOUGHT I was fine. I absolutely thought I was fine. And happy. Then one day in my twenties my adoptee grief came sneaking up from behind, and I found myself on the floor of my apartment in a puddle of tears, saying “she doesn’t even know who I am” over and over again. It came out of the blue and knocked me flat! And before that? Turns out I wasn’t so much “happy” as “numb.”
Each person is going to have their own experience, but I gotta tell you. This makes my stomach quesy. We’re adopting from foster care so I feel like it’s a little bit different because these are kids that have been taken from their parents because their homes are unsafe. The parent(s) tried to parent and couldn’t get it together. Of course there will still be issued of loss, but it’s a bit different because there is the issue of having proved that you cannot parent versus thinking that you might not be able to parent.
Regardless of how you become a parent, you want your kids to be happy. Reading this article makes me sad.

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