Adoption Deception in My Family

Youre-Not-My-Real-MotherMy family is getting a beach house together next month. We are coming from Philly, DC, Los Angeles and Portland to share our merriment (too much? LOL) and get on each other’s nerves (that feels right).

I’ve been coordinating everything via email. Since our adoption looks like it might be back on track, I sent out an email this morning to an article on ambiguous loss that I found on the PACT website. I did not expect an email from my aunt that just blew my mind!

A few years ago my uncle’s brother had a kid that they couldn’t take care of, so my aunt and uncle stepped in. It didn’t occur to me that they adopted the child, I just thought that they were taking care of the child for the parents. Well, in this morning’s email my aunt told me that not only did they officially adopt the child, the little girl (now 7 years old) has no idea that she is adopted!

I feel …. yucky … right now. I have read so many stories of how children that were adopted end up finding out they are adopted and feel horrible that they’ve been lied to all of these years …. feel horrible that everyone knew except them … and I don’t know what to do. They will be at the beach house for the week with us. I don’t want to be part of this deception, but I also can’t pull her to the side and throw an emotional grenade on her.

I’m not sure what to do and I’m more than a little angry that my aunt has put me in this position. Thoughts? Suggestions?



3 thoughts on “Adoption Deception in My Family

  1. Send your aunt every article and blog post you can find about late-discovery adoptees, recommendations that children be told about their adoptions at birth, and research that shows secrets are very, very bad.
    Get her a subscription to Adoptive Families magazine. Offer to buy her some children’s books to help her introduce adoption to her daughter.
    What she is doing is unacceptable. I’m so sorry you’re in this position. It wasn’t fair of her to put you in this position, for so many reasons.

    • I thought about that, but I’m not sure how far or hard I want to push her. This is TOTALLY selfish (I know) but we need her to pay her portion of the rental house and she hasn’t paid yet. I’m wondering if she gets upset at me if she’ll back out. My other family members have already purchased airfare.

      Maybe when she’s here I can talk with her in private and hand off a few articles to her???

      • That’s a good idea. In person works better anyway. It always blows me away when people don’t tell their kids they’re adopted.

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