We Just Got the Call … and Turned It Down


We just got the call adoptive parents live for, “There’s a newborn in the hospital …”

The baby boy is one month old. His mother is considering relinquishing him because she already has a little baby at home. He’s half white, one quarter Black and one quarter Samoan. I wasn’t over the moon like when we got the call for our son. If this baby needed a home, he could do worse than ours but …  it just didn’t feel the same.

When you’re filling out the paperwork to adopt, they ask you which ethnicities you’d be open to. Our adoption worker encouraged us to be honest. She said, “If there’s a healthy newborn, someone will want it … don’t feel badly”. She’s on vacation right now … which probably explains why we got this call. Our adoption worker wouldn’t even have called us about this baby. She wouldn’t have tried to match us together.

My partner and I talked about it. In our county, Black babies are hard to place. It’s so difficult that they are considered “special needs” and given extra benefits to get a family to adopt them. We’d like to be a resource for those kids.

I called and her and said, “I don’t think this child would be a good fit for our family”. She was like, “Why?”. I led with gender and said, “We really wanted a little girl”. Then she responded, “Oh, okay. I’ll make a note not to call you about any boys”. I responded, “No. Though we want a girl. We’re willing to take any child of color that needs a home”. She was like, “Ohhhhhhh …. “. I wish our adoption worker wasn’t on vacation. She totally deserves a vacation but she knows us and what we’re trying to do.

I with this little baby good luck. I wish only good things for him. I look forward getting the the call that adds another child into our forever home.


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