Second Home Study Interview Rescheduled

This photo is from Universal Studios last month, but we look happy and determined so I'm using it for this post! Lol

This photo is from Universal Studios last month, but we look happy and determined so I’m using it for this post! Lol

At last!

Our adoption home study was scheduled for April 18th. We were up and getting dressed … about to leave when … the supervisor called and said that our adoption worker had an emergency and couldn’t meet with us that morning. Booooo!

We’ve gone back and forth  leaving messages for each other, but finally we have another appointment scheduled. May 2nd it is! This one will be our individual interviews. On the one hand I’m not that worried about it because I LOVE our adoption worker. On the other hand,  I’m sure she’ll want to talk about my childhood (sexual abuse at 6, foster care from 13 – 17 …. especially since we’re adopting from foster care. Eek!) and will be trying to figure out if I’m a fruit loop! Lol I like ot think that I’m not but she’s the professional! Lol

Anyhoo … I’m at least happy that it’s been scheduled.

=)

 

Crying at Dog Groomers

pitbull_bath

So … today’s adventure was taking our pup for his first professional grooming. I had called around and found out that the whole experience would take about an hour. I kept calling until I found a place that would let me wait with him.

When I arrived for his appointment I found out that we’d have to leave him for 3 hours! Since He didn’t seem concerned about leaving him there I agreed to return in three hours … but something happened as soon as I saw them hook on the temporary collar: I got the worst feeling in my stomach.

Black-Woman-Worried

I tried to be brave since the pup looked fine. I walked out of the building and had a complete meltdown. I mean … I was standing in the parking lot crying like a baby. Leaning on Him like something horrible had happened. I have no idea what the people in the parking lot imagined had happened … anyhoo …

We went out and ran errands, but I kept imagining our sweet little pup caged like an animal … well … you know what I mean. I called after an hour to make sure that they wouldn’t muzzle him. I told them that if he became upset they should call me and I’d come pick him up. I went on with our errands and didn’t get a call.

pitbull

After about two hours I thought I’d just show up and make sure that things were going well, but on the way there they called us.

pitbull_smile

When we picked him up he seemed happy to see us. I was relieved at first that he seemed well, but then I became paranoid. Maybe he was happy to see us because he hadn’t been treated well. Ugh.

As a kid my mom was pretty limited about whose house we could visit and even more limited about whose home to stay overnight at. Now I see why! If I’m this concerned about a pup getting a bath then I can only imagine what I’ll be like with our kid being somewhere without us …

It’s funny how I wasn’t worried at all and the feelings just overwhelmed me. I used to think that parents were being ridiculous to feel this way. After this experience I think I’ll be a bit more kind in my thoughts.

Shut_Up

Adopting Twins

Twins

We would like to adopt ONE baby from foster care. The likelihood of that seems low. There are tons of sibling groups in foster homes. We think that we might feel overwhelmed by more than one baby, that’s why we want to start out with one baby … so that we can ease into parenting. That sounds all well and fine and good, but … I keep having the nagging suspicion that we are going to end up with twins.

I know how stupid this sounds, but … I keep ending up with two of everything .. on accident. Our home inspection is coming up and we have two empty bedrooms with two available beds. We’ve only designated one as the “baby room” but the other is just a spare/guest room that He uses to play videogames in when we don’t have company. The room is designed with superheroes …. hmmm …

We are trying to dot our “i”s and cross our “t”s and I realized that I bought two wooden squares with star, circle, oval, etc. cut-outs. There are two sets of plastic tools. We have two Shamu SeaWorld pails. We have two Crayola 36 crayon boxes. I have the sneaking suspicion that we are going to end up with two kids.

Twins would be awesome because they are going through similar developmental stages around the same time and twins would be horrible because they are going through similar developmental stages around the same time! Lol The more commonplace situation would be that we’d get a toddler with a younger sibling. I’ve been buying clothes for kids from newborn to 2 years old with the goal of having at least a few items so regardless of the age of the kid we get, we’ll have enough items to survive for a few days without having to run out to buy things. We’ll have a day or two to get our bearings. Maybe I’ve been preparing for having two kids all along ….

Hmmm ….

This should be interesting.

 

 

 

Home Inspection is Scheduled!

Schedule

We finally have a date for our home inspection! It’s been a bit of a challenge getting it to come together:

  • Turned in our home inspection application in November.
  • She called us and we called her but we didn’t get anything on the books.
  • We suggested Feb. 4th, but she doesn’t work on Mondays.
  • She suggested Feb. 5th, but I had a small event booked.
  • She mentioned that if we couldn’t do it on the 5th she might not have another opening for weeks.
  • I thought about giving up the work to make the home inspection.
  • Realized that I wrote down the event on the wrong date so Feb. 5th would work. Whoo hoo!
  • Someone else booked that Feb. 5th spot.  =(
  • A different client called her to postpone their February 5th 11am spot.
  • She called us and told us that if we could do Feb. 5th at 11am we could have that spot!
  • Whoo hoo …. our home inspection is booked for next Tuesday!

I’m alternately nervous about passing the home inspection and excited about taking another step forward in the process. When we pass (did you see the confidence? Lol) the home inspection then we’ll move on to the home study (multiple invasive question and answer sessions) and then …. maybe we’ll be matched with a kid! After that …. the foster care to adoption roller coaster and then ….

…. wait .. .let’s just take it one step at a time. Our home inspection is booked. Whoo hoo!

=)

 

 

Accepting Toddler Emotions

ToddlerTantrum

One of the things that make parents call the toddler years The Terrible Twos is because kids have no problem sharing their feelings: extreme happiness, utter devastation, rage, sadness, etc. Kids are learning to express themselves and that is what they are supposed to do. The challenge for parents is accepting that the child is expressing themselves and just …. let it be. According to The Other Baby book:

Babies and toddlers stretch us emotionally by confronting us with feelings that we’ve been taught to dismiss, ignore, or stuff down to get by in Western societies. After all, it wouldn’t be cool for an adult to throw a temper tantrum in a mall or at the supermarket.

How true! I know there have been times when I’ve wanted to throw a tantrum, but it would look for an adult to throw themselves out at the DMV because they only take cash and checks and no one told me that they wouldn’t take cards and who doesn’t take cards nowadays? Ugh!

Anyhoo …. would anyone care to share any strategies for helping kids feel welcome to share their feelings while not losing your sanity?

Please share.

 

 

More Stress in 1 Month …

It's a long road that could culminate with .... nothing ... #Scary

It’s a long road that could culminate with …. nothing … #Scary

I just read this on an adoption board and it totally captured how I feel right now about adopting from foster care:

I had to laugh at a few people who said this road is harder than pregnancy. Wow, so true! I was pregnant, and it was a hard pregnancy but nothing compares to the stress this system has put me through in just a month. With pregnancy you wait nine months and leave with a baby. In this system you fight like crazy for up to two years and at the end you may leave with nothing.

I guess I keep trying to prepare for having a kid snatched from us so that when it happens we won’t be so surprised/hurt. In the foster care classes they tell you that until you sign those adoption papers, you are fostering. That means that we could have kid for a year, two years … and then have the courts say that the child will be reunited with their parents.

If it’s a safe and nurturing experience for the kid then I know that’s what’s best but it seems like it would be such an emotional upheaval for us. I don’t know if we could do it once and go back into the fray …. …

What If We Adopt a Toddler?

Sooo cute but .... he's a toddler ....

Sooo cute but …. he’s a toddler ….

I have never been responsible for a little person all the way through development from a newborn to an adult. The times I have been responsible for children it has usually been for anything from a few hours to a few weeks at a time.

When the adoption people asked us what age range we’d like … we put down 0-2 because the kid still seemed small. We have an unorthodox lifestyle (the whole family is in San Francisco this week since we have two bookings for work this  week up here) it seems like it would be best to ease us into parenthood! Lol We need a kid who is willing to train us a little bit at a time how to be parents.

Anyhoo … it just hit me that “toddlers” are included in our age range. TODDLERS! These are people that are already walking, talking, feeding themselves, etc. Um … I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.

From Illinois.edu:

During the toddler stage, most children learn to walk, talk, solve problems, relate to others, and more. One major task for the toddler is to learn to be independent. That is why toddlers want to do things for themselves, have their own ideas about how things should happen, and use “NO” many times each day.

The toddler stage is characterized by much growth and change, mood swings and some negativity. Toddlers are long on will and short on skill. This is why they are often frustrated and “misbehave.” Some adults call the toddler stage “the terrible twos.”

Aaagh! This also brings up the attachment issue. Where was the child before us? In a foster home? With parents? Will the child be able to attach to us? Will the child have RAD? Wikipedia describes RAD this way:

RAD arises from a failure to form normal attachments to primary caregivers in early childhood. Such a failure could result from severe early experiences of neglect, abuse, abrupt separation from caregivers between the ages of six months and three years, frequent change of caregivers, or a lack of caregiver responsiveness to a child’s communicative efforts.

I don’t know if I’m up for this. Should I change the ages from 0 – six months? Has anyone else adopted a toddler? Should I push the ages back? I have not read a lot about RAD, but everything I’ve read scares the hell out of me.

The logical part of my brain tells me that keeping in touch the family and foster family (if the kid was placed with a foster family) is a good idea but the irrational part of my brain is terrified and tells me to run fast. What if we can’t do it? What if the kid is bratty? What if the kid tells us that we don’t make the sandwiches right or tie the shoes right or whatever the right way?

The not knowing is killing me. We could get a newborn …. we could get a 2 year old. This is crazy.