Not Seeing Birth Parents as Victims

I just got done reading this article about the buying and selling and children (also know as adoption). I don’t disagree that:

1) Babies are being sold by agencies and facilitators for profit.

2) Babies are being purchased by adoptive parents.

I do wonder where the birth parents come into the picture. I’ve read tons of articles from birth parents highlighting the problems they see with adoption. I’ve read that agencies are evil money-making machines that are only out to separate parents from children for profit. I’ve read that at worst adoptive parents are only out to get a baby by any means or at best adoptive parents are naive and get conned into buying babies by evil agencies.

Um … are agencies trolling the malls looking for pregnant people so they can follow them home, wait for the baby to be born and kidnap the baby as the parents sleep? I didn’t think so. Just once I’d love to read an article from a birth mother that says:

#1 I miss my kid.

#2 If I had it to do over again I would do it differently.

#3 I take responsibility for choosing to have my baby adopted in the first place.


Is that too much to ask?


100 Most Adoption Friendly Companies

Every year the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption lists the top 100 companies for adoption. The website says, “Rankings are based on the maximum amount of financial reimbursement and paid leave for employees who adopt.” You have to take a survey to get the whole list, but I wanted to share the top 10.

America’s top 10

1. Wendy’s/Arby’s Group, Inc.
2. Citizen’s Financial Group, Inc. / RBS Americas
3. Liquidnet (tie)
3. LSI Corporation (tie)
5. Putnam Investments
6. Vanguard Group
7. Subaru of America, Inc.
8. BHP Billiton
9. The Timberland Company
10. Barilla America, Inc.


The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption also provides free guides for employees to request an adoption reimbursement and leave from their jobs, a free guide for employers to help them set up adoption reimbursement and leave programs, and a free guide for adoption agencies to pass out to adoptive parents.

In case the name sounds familiar, but you can’t place it. Dave Thomas also founded restaurant chain Wendy’s. He was adopted at 5 years old and spent his adult life encouraging others to adopt.

How Much Did She/He Cost? – Adoption Questions

I read a lot about how upsetting it is when strangers ask how much your kid cost.

Um … why the anger?

When you go to adoption boards all that we talk about is how much it’s going to cost. Is it an issue of semantics? Are we concerned that people are looking at us with scorn as if we’re “baby stealers” or gasp! “baby buyers”? Guess what, we ARE buying our babies. Now, right about here is where I’ll get all the “I didn’t buy my baby, I paid for the process that brought them into my family”. Yeah … do you know what semantics means?

I’m not sure why people get so upset about it. We all know that adopting costs money. That’s why there are organizations that help adoptive families with adoption costs … because it costs money. Cash. Dinero, Gouda.

My partner is trying to explain that it’s not that adopting doesn’t cost money it’s a) the way they ask (intentions are everything) and b) why they ask (intentions again). He thinks that if people are genuinely asking it’s not so bad. Maybe they want to adopt. Maybe they have a story to share. I guess that’s true. He’s definitely the more level-headed one in the family.

How do you feel when/if people ask you how much it costs to adopt?

Also, families that are the same ethnicity, do you feel you get asked about how much its cost to adopt more times or fewer times than families of mixed ethnicity?

Adoption Grants & Loans

I saw this the other day and I thought I would share the good news. does exactly what it says … it helps families that want to adopt, adopt a kid by providing a grant. Here’s a bit about the organization:

  • What are the amounts of the grants?
    $500 – $15,000 depending on individual situations.
  • Does it matter what kind of adoption program we are using?    grants are to be used for your choice of adoption process—private or agency, domestic or international, or foster care – it is your decision. grants are not given for embryo adoptions.

Some other options I found include:

National Adoption Foundation

Gift of Adoption

Lifesong for Orphans

Happy hunting!