His social worker came by today and told us that we are almost at finalization! Whoo hoo!
She said all that’s left is for her to receive his medical information, create an adoption packet, give that packet to our adoption worker and have us sign the adoption placement papers.
She said that finalization usually happens a few weeks after the signing. She hopes that she’ll have the medical paperwork by the end of April. We might be able to finalize in June … perhaps May! He’s been with us so long that sometimes I forget that legally he’s not ours. I can’t wait to sign those papers.
While on the road we got a call saying that this person was the baby’s new social worker and that she’d arrive at our house at 2pm. Really?
#1 We weren’t in the city.
#2 Regular people have jobs so even if we were in the city, wouldn’t she have assumed that we’d be at work?
Anyhoo … I called her back and we decided that she’d come this morning at 8:30am. We got in at 9pm last night and were up early this morning straightening up for this new social worker.
The door bell range around 8:45am. We open the door to find … a different social worker. Apparently, our new social worker was busy and sent this other person to do her monthly visit. This is the baby’s third social worker (emergency – LOVED!, transitional – she was okay, finalization – still have to find out) and, as I understand it, this one should be his last one. I am really glad that this one is not his regular one. Ugh!
She persisted upon touching his face and mussing his hair …. grabbing his feet. It was so uncomfortable. I know that her job is to check on him, but it was so difficult for me not to snatch him back from her. Is this normal? What kind of touching does your social worker do when they visit?
Today, our adoption worker came over and told us that everything that his social worker told us was wrong! Lol
His Social Worker:
Hearing in January should terminate parental rights. She will transfer the case the day after to make sure that we close asap.
Our Adoption Worker:
Hearing in January should terminate parental rights. Social Worker cannot transfer case the day after because she has to wait on a report that comes from the court that sometimes takes weeks to receive.
His Social Worker:
December will be our last home visit with her.
Our Adoption Worker:
She will not be able to transfer the case so we should expect at least one more and possibly two or three more visits with his Social Worker.
We were originally hoping that parental rights would be terminated in October and we’d be going to finalization in January …. <insert laughter from other famillies that have adopted here> but that was not to be. We’re hoping for termination in January and our Adoption Worker said that we should even be thinking about finalization until April/May/June.
Can’t wait to see what happens in January.
We’re one step closer …
Sooooo … today we did the 2nd half of our home study to adopt from foster care. We each had an individual two-hour interview scheduled at the DFCS office. This one was so much better than our intake interview! She didn’t condescend to me. She let me finish my thoughts. She didn’t make assumptions about my mother being an alcoholic, my father being schizophrenic, me being in foster care or me being molested.
I have no idea if she thought I was a fruitcake, but at least she let me give my side of things. Lol Hopefully all went well and we’re one step closer. Actually, this was the last big step before a placement, no? After she gets everything typed up, as long as she doesn’t think we’re fruitcakes, she’s gonna send it up to Sacramento and then we’re ready to accept a placement, no?
This photo is from Universal Studios last month, but we look happy and determined so I’m using it for this post! Lol
Our adoption home study was scheduled for April 18th. We were up and getting dressed … about to leave when … the supervisor called and said that our adoption worker had an emergency and couldn’t meet with us that morning. Booooo!
We’ve gone back and forth leaving messages for each other, but finally we have another appointment scheduled. May 2nd it is! This one will be our individual interviews. On the one hand I’m not that worried about it because I LOVE our adoption worker. On the other hand, I’m sure she’ll want to talk about my childhood (sexual abuse at 6, foster care from 13 – 17 …. especially since we’re adopting from foster care. Eek!) and will be trying to figure out if I’m a fruit loop! Lol I like ot think that I’m not but she’s the professional! Lol
Anyhoo … I’m at least happy that it’s been scheduled.
Today we had part one of our foster care home study (the joint interview). You always hear people say it’s not as bad as you think it will be and … it wasn’t.
Our adoption worker came over, sat in a chair in the living room while we sat on the floor (yes, we’re weird like that) and talked to us about what kind of kid we are looking to adopt. She went over our intake form and clarified about if we’d take a kid with fetal alcohol syndrome or a kid that was blind or a kid that has a heart murmur. She was awesome about explaining what each thing is and letting us chat a bit about if we’d like to say “yes” or “no” to a call about a baby with said issue.
After we chatted, she took a look at our house (we were in the middle of washing clothes – ugh!) and the backyard. I have no idea what she’s going to write in her report, but she seemed like she thought that we weren’t crazy! Lol
The whole thing took maybe an hour. It was really nice talking with her actually. I’m SO glad that we got her and not someone else. I really feel comfortable with her …. and that’s good because the next thing we have to do is go to her office for our individual interviews. Now, that I am not looking forward to. If you remember what happened the last time I was interviewed in their offices then you’d understand.
You know what? This is a whole new situation with a whole new person. I’m going to stay positive and move forward. After all … someone in the Thursday adoption class (we were in the Tuesday class) was just matched with a 15 month old this week.
When we went to our adoption interview I disclosed that I was sexually abused as a child.I didn’t think that I had to hide it because I don’t feel badly about it. I never imagined that it would lead to the interviewer mailing me a letter saying that I would have to be evaluated by a therapist if I wanted to adopt.
I hemmed and hawed about if I even wanted to move forward. I have never felt guilty or bad about being abused because I didn’t do it. It wasn’t my fault. Why should I feel badly? But when I got that letter in the mail … I did feel badly. The county managed to do what my abuser couldn’t … they made me feel like something was wrong with me.
I started our classes and put off scheduling the appointment with a therapist because I wanted to see if we even wanted to move forward with the county adoption. The classes are okay and we’re meeting some nice people. We’re almost half of the way done, so it’s time to move forward. I know that this is a requirement. I’ve tried to realize that it’s not personal (though it’s hard to say that when someone is judging your life and deciding whether you get to parent or not) and that anyone that disclosed sexual abuse would be asked to complete an evaluation …. it’s just … hard.
I think I’ve done well in my life. I have friends and family that I love and that love me. I have been educated at great schools. I have a wonderful partner that accepts me with all of my craziness (“the toilet paper goes on the roll THIS way, not THAT way!” Lol) and I accept his craziness (8 hours of playing Drake? Really? REALLY? Lol) We run a business that brings in money, allows for loads of family time and helps students across the country. I don’t think there is any reason that a therapist would write a negative report about me … but it’s not about what I think. It’s about what they think. This stranger. This person that knows nothing about me has a HUGE decision in their hands.
I don’t know if I’m more afraid that they will call me a nut-job or “invite” me back to “explore” my feelings … for another six months. Ugh! There is nothing that I can do, I’ll have to submit myself to the process, but this is not the experience I had hoped to have adopting my first child.