Haircare: We’ve Turned a Corner

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The last three times I’ve done Baby Girl’s hair she hasn’t complained. Whoo hoo!

I think conditioning it in the shower may have helped. I used to:

Wash with baby shampoo.

Dry hair.

Apply refined cold-pressed coconut oil.

Style hair.

Sometimes she would stand it for a bit but if it was tangled, she would lose it. One time I decided to see if conditioning it with my conditioner would help and … it seems like it did.

I condition it right after washing and detangle with my fingers in the shower. The first time I put two ponytails with twists and a “bang” ponytail in the front. The second time, I did afro puffs. This afternoon, I did two French braids. No crying. She played with her bag of hair accessories.

I think we’re in business!

=)

Second Adoption: Finalization Date

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This is why folks don’t like working with the county: no one knows what anyone else is doing.

We received an email from our daughter’s social worker saying that she needed to come by the house for May’s visit. At the finalization paperwork signing, our adoption worker told us that there would be no more visits from the social worker and that we’d be dealing with her from here on out. In the email, she mentioned that finalization was “around the corner” but we didn’t have a date yet. Huh?

I forwarded the email to our adoption worker. Her reply was that finalization was scheduled and the social worker needed to visit again. My guess is because she’ll be on vacation?

Anyhoo … in a round about way, we found out our finalization date, that she won’t be able to attend (again) and the social worker that I wanted to punch in the face will be there. Ah …  friggin’ … some!

 

 

Ballet Folklorico Begins

Dancing Ballet Folklorico Machetes.fw

During the machete dance.

We signed our oldest up for classes in ballet folklorico. The first class was Thursday.

Dance class. Anti-Blackness off top (a family came around the corner and saw us sitting on a bench. The parents looked at each other, grabbed their kid, backed away and chose to sit on the other end of the space). The instructor was late AND didn’t speak English (the class is through the city). Most of the instruction was for the girls. Mid-way through folks loosened up though … it was cute seeing him dance with a little partner.

3 more classes to go.

5 Reasons I Thought We wouldn’t Be Chosen to Adopt

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This is our second time adopting from foster care and if you’d have asked me 5 years ago if we’d pass muster even one time I’d have told you no. When we started on this journey, we had no experience with adoption and didn’t know anyone who had adopted. If you’re wondering if you would be able to adopt, here are some things we thought might stop us …  but didn’t:

#1 We don’t believe in any gods.

Like many people, we were both raised Christian. We both wandered off into Islamic studies and one us of valued the wisdom of the 5 percenters. Eventually, we both ended up realizing that all religion is a sham and became atheists. Many adoption organizations are religious and many adopters seem to be motivated by pleasing some kind of god.

There is a line on the adoption application that asks about religion. We wrote “none” and waited for the questions to start …  they never did.

#2 I am not fond of social workers.

I entered foster care at 13 and “aged out” at 17 (I graduated from high school). Some social workers were cool …  some …  not so cool. I don’t trust them to do what they say they are going to do. I also tend to think that they are always looking for a reason to remove children from the home. That being said …  we dealt with six different folks (1 emergency care worker, 4 social workers, and 1 adoption worker) over the course of the two adoptions. We had two that obviously didn’t care (but weren’t bad, evil, or vindictive) and two that I couldn’t get a bead on (they did the bare minimum the job required). The last two were very involved (though not annoying) and cared a lot about their charges. Overall, it hasn’t been bad.

#3 I’m not fond of people making me do things.

I don’t like being forced to do anything. Any. Thing.

The whole process of adopting is people you don’t know forcing you to do things you think have little merit. You fill out the same information on multiple forms (each set goes to a different agency). You have to have a doctor sign off on your health (we could get hit by a bus tomorrow). You have to let random people into your home to judge how clean your fridge is and how safely your fireplace is covered.

Amazingly, it wasn’t that bad. There were a few times I wanted to quit, but overall …  it really wasn’t that bad.

#4 We don’t own a home.

I used to own a home but I don’t right now. I wasn’t sure if that would automatically disqualify us. We’ve lived in three different rental homes over the five years that it took us to adopt our two children (the bulk being 3 years in one spot and we just moved to a larger place now that we needed another bedroom) and it’s never been a problem. They want loving parents in safe homes. It doesn’t matter if that home is owned or leased.

#5 Our house is rarely tidy.

When it was just us and a 100 lb. pup, our home had a chance of sometimes being clean …  Lol As our family has grown, our home’s cleanliness had steadily gone down. With two toddlers and a pup, our house is “dirty enough to be happy and clean enough to be healthy” as my grandma used to say. Lol

When social workers from the county come over, they don’t seem too worried about our mess. One even told me, “If you have toddlers and you’re house isn’t dirty, I wonder why”. We have to remember that they often have kids too. They understand what normal mess looks like. Lol

I often hear people talking about how hard it was to adopt from foster care, and though I’m sure their stories are true, our story is also true. We were chosen to adopt infants from the county, not once …  but twice …  and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Finalization Paperwork Complete!

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We drove down to our adoption worker’s office (this is our second adoption from foster care) and signed the paperwork. She matched us with both kids and has been around for the last five years. We enjoy her personality and it’s always a pleasure to see her.

We took both the babies. There are rooms that you go into that have tables and chairs, a couch, and toys. I think the rooms might also be used for visitation. Anyhoo … the rooms mean that we don’t have to leave the kids at home when we need to meet with the foster care or adoption people.

At the first signing, we got lots of information about our kid’s family. It was all medical, but we found out how many siblings be had and a little about his mother and grandmother. I was looking forward to learning a bit about our daughter’s family because we know next to nothing.

Disappointment.

There was a huge stack of papers, just like last time but ….  all the slots on the paper said, “unknown”. We did find out that there are siblings, but we don’t know the birthdates or ages. There was no medical information other than her mother has a history of back pain. Most of the pages were from our daughter’s birth and had stuff about her birth. It’s good information to have but ….  I’m a little sad that there wasn’t more.

As usual they asked if our daughter’s mother was to have another baby that came into care, would we want to know about it/be asked to match ….  the adoption worker reminded us that her mother is still young and another baby could be born and placed. We looked at each other …….  we checked “yes”. It doesn’t mean we’d automatically match but we at least have the option. Knowing our child had a siblings out there that she could possibly grow up with ….  whoo …  that’s powerful. I don’t see how we could say that we didn’t at least want the opportunity to see if our home would be a good fit.

Anyhoo …  the paperwork is signed and now we’re just waiting on a finalization date.

=)

A Full-On Sentence

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OMG! My oldest just said a full-on, regular sentence on his own. He said, “May I have some more please?” as clear as day.

He’s been talking, obviously, for a while now but usually in 3 or 4 word sentences like, “More juice please, mom” or something like that. A few days ago I introduced this new long-form sentence. He repeated it after me but didn’t seem to take to it. I let it go and he didn’t say it yesterday.

This evening, I had a jug of lemonade on the floor near my bed. My bugee picks it up and says, “May I have some please?” It would have been more accurate to say, “May I have some lemonade please?” but I’ll take what I can get for his first full-on sentence on his own.

My baby isn’t a baby anymore ….