Second Adoption: Finalization Date

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This is why folks don’t like working with the county: no one knows what anyone else is doing.

We received an email from our daughter’s social worker saying that she needed to come by the house for May’s visit. At the finalization paperwork signing, our adoption worker told us that there would be no more visits from the social worker and that we’d be dealing with her from here on out. In the email, she mentioned that finalization was “around the corner” but we didn’t have a date yet. Huh?

I forwarded the email to our adoption worker. Her reply was that finalization was scheduled and the social worker needed to visit again. My guess is because she’ll be on vacation?

Anyhoo … in a round about way, we found out our finalization date, that she won’t be able to attend (again) and the social worker that I wanted to punch in the face will be there. Ah …  friggin’ … some!

 

 

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5 Reasons I Thought We wouldn’t Be Chosen to Adopt

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This is our second time adopting from foster care and if you’d have asked me 5 years ago if we’d pass muster even one time I’d have told you no. When we started on this journey, we had no experience with adoption and didn’t know anyone who had adopted. If you’re wondering if you would be able to adopt, here are some things we thought might stop us …  but didn’t:

#1 We don’t believe in any gods.

Like many people, we were both raised Christian. We both wandered off into Islamic studies and one us of valued the wisdom of the 5 percenters. Eventually, we both ended up realizing that all religion is a sham and became atheists. Many adoption organizations are religious and many adopters seem to be motivated by pleasing some kind of god.

There is a line on the adoption application that asks about religion. We wrote “none” and waited for the questions to start …  they never did.

#2 I am not fond of social workers.

I entered foster care at 13 and “aged out” at 17 (I graduated from high school). Some social workers were cool …  some …  not so cool. I don’t trust them to do what they say they are going to do. I also tend to think that they are always looking for a reason to remove children from the home. That being said …  we dealt with six different folks (1 emergency care worker, 4 social workers, and 1 adoption worker) over the course of the two adoptions. We had two that obviously didn’t care (but weren’t bad, evil, or vindictive) and two that I couldn’t get a bead on (they did the bare minimum the job required). The last two were very involved (though not annoying) and cared a lot about their charges. Overall, it hasn’t been bad.

#3 I’m not fond of people making me do things.

I don’t like being forced to do anything. Any. Thing.

The whole process of adopting is people you don’t know forcing you to do things you think have little merit. You fill out the same information on multiple forms (each set goes to a different agency). You have to have a doctor sign off on your health (we could get hit by a bus tomorrow). You have to let random people into your home to judge how clean your fridge is and how safely your fireplace is covered.

Amazingly, it wasn’t that bad. There were a few times I wanted to quit, but overall …  it really wasn’t that bad.

#4 We don’t own a home.

I used to own a home but I don’t right now. I wasn’t sure if that would automatically disqualify us. We’ve lived in three different rental homes over the five years that it took us to adopt our two children (the bulk being 3 years in one spot and we just moved to a larger place now that we needed another bedroom) and it’s never been a problem. They want loving parents in safe homes. It doesn’t matter if that home is owned or leased.

#5 Our house is rarely tidy.

When it was just us and a 100 lb. pup, our home had a chance of sometimes being clean …  Lol As our family has grown, our home’s cleanliness had steadily gone down. With two toddlers and a pup, our house is “dirty enough to be happy and clean enough to be healthy” as my grandma used to say. Lol

When social workers from the county come over, they don’t seem too worried about our mess. One even told me, “If you have toddlers and you’re house isn’t dirty, I wonder why”. We have to remember that they often have kids too. They understand what normal mess looks like. Lol

I often hear people talking about how hard it was to adopt from foster care, and though I’m sure their stories are true, our story is also true. We were chosen to adopt infants from the county, not once …  but twice …  and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Finalization Paperwork Complete!

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We drove down to our adoption worker’s office (this is our second adoption from foster care) and signed the paperwork. She matched us with both kids and has been around for the last five years. We enjoy her personality and it’s always a pleasure to see her.

We took both the babies. There are rooms that you go into that have tables and chairs, a couch, and toys. I think the rooms might also be used for visitation. Anyhoo … the rooms mean that we don’t have to leave the kids at home when we need to meet with the foster care or adoption people.

At the first signing, we got lots of information about our kid’s family. It was all medical, but we found out how many siblings be had and a little about his mother and grandmother. I was looking forward to learning a bit about our daughter’s family because we know next to nothing.

Disappointment.

There was a huge stack of papers, just like last time but ….  all the slots on the paper said, “unknown”. We did find out that there are siblings, but we don’t know the birthdates or ages. There was no medical information other than her mother has a history of back pain. Most of the pages were from our daughter’s birth and had stuff about her birth. It’s good information to have but ….  I’m a little sad that there wasn’t more.

As usual they asked if our daughter’s mother was to have another baby that came into care, would we want to know about it/be asked to match ….  the adoption worker reminded us that her mother is still young and another baby could be born and placed. We looked at each other …….  we checked “yes”. It doesn’t mean we’d automatically match but we at least have the option. Knowing our child had a siblings out there that she could possibly grow up with ….  whoo …  that’s powerful. I don’t see how we could say that we didn’t at least want the opportunity to see if our home would be a good fit.

Anyhoo …  the paperwork is signed and now we’re just waiting on a finalization date.

=)

We Are Licensed!

Background:

We adopted from foster care last year. We were matched again this summer. We moved a month ago …. with a foster care placement that we hope to adopt.

After submitting our application incorrectly and then going up to the office THREE times to turn in paperwork, we are officially licensed to have children in our home again.

The lady was kinda mean on the phone but she was nice when she arrived. She spent about two hours poking around, asking to see things, and waiting while we turned down the heat on our water heater and while He rigged up the fireplace cover so the babies couldn’t get through it.

It was  a bit tense in the beginning but it ended perfectly lovely. I remember the other license person telling us that they really do want to pass you. They are looking for the house to be safe and livably clean, not perfect. We moved about a month ago but we haven’t been home much so boxes are EVERYWHERE. On top of that living with two toddlers and a 100 pound dog means our floors are rarely clean. She was okay with it and even complimented me on putting water in the baby’s juice (do any parents NOT do that?) so as not to give the baby too much sugar and to keep their teeth good (we exchanged stories about how people in Cambodia kept complimenting our baby’s teeth).

All in all it was a good time that ended with is being full licensed ….  again.

=)

 

 

 

Second Adoption: Overnight Visit

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We were able to spend a whole day with her!

It was glorious. Now, I don’t usually go around using the word “glorious” but that’s the best word to explain it. We didn’t do anything fancy. We hung out at the house. We visited the grands. We came home and had dinner. We went to sleep. It was so normal an felt so good. We came together just like a family.

We picked her up at 11am and were all ready to go to down to a family get together when our tire blew … again. We drove around trying to find replacement tire. After visiting two different tires stores, we gave up the ghost and decided to drive home on the doughnut and go to our local shop. The day was spent trying to get the tire fixed while keeping two little ones happy in the backseat. You’d think it would have been frustrating but it was really nice.

We were told that she sleeps from 8pm until 7am the next morning ….  not at our house! Lol She woke up three times. Two times she wanted a bottle and one time she wanted to party! Lol By 5:30am the next morning we were tired and wanting a nap and overjoyed that our little family had come together so wonderfully.

#TheGoddessIsComing

 

We Met the Baby Today

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We had the medical disclosure meeting today. The little baby is rolling over, can sit up a bit, and is generally hitting all her developmental milestones. After our adoption worker, her social worker and we (us???) talked about her health, the social worker asked if we wanted to meet her. Of course, we said, “Yes!”

We met our adoption worker over at the foster mother’s house. We met the foster mother, her boyfriend, and the baby girl. We hung out for a little while and it was decided that we’d try to visit every day, a few more hours each day, until she moves to our house.

After the visit, we picked up our toddler and headed to Target to pick up some baby items (like we need anything! Lol) for our visit tomorrow. We have half a pack of size two diapers, so we really only needed a few snacks. We got a yam to make her some baby food, a few Gerber dinner jars, and a box of infant snack bars.

Tomorrow, the plan is to take her to the park and visit with just the family so she can start to bond with us. I hope she likes us. It’s hard to know because she’s so young but she was fussy when we tried to hold her so things aren’t looking great. Lol

Perhaps after having some delicious food and a few snuggles at the park, she’ll warm up to us.

Here’s hoping!

=)

 

We Got The Call: Little Girl

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I know the front is missing, but the image looked better this way.

We got The Call!

We got The Call!

Our adoption worker called bright and early Monday morning and told us that we were matched with an eight month old girl! Since she’s a bit older than our son when we were matched, we’re familiar to the process but things may be closer together or further apart then the last time. Our son was a newborn in the hospital when we got The Call, so we didn’t have to worry of transitioning him from a foster home to our home. We also didn’t have to worry about a medical disclosure meeting. She gave us the details over the phone (we was only a few days old, after all) and we picked him up and went home.

This little girl has been in foster care so we’re gonna have a few visits before she can come home. Wait, I’m getting a head of myself.

We have a medical disclosure meeting Thursday. If we like what we hear, we may have a chance to meet her after the meeting. After that, we’d have a few visits before she would actually move to our home.

It’s so different. When we brought home our son, it was our first placement and we weren’t sure if we would actually be able to adopt him. I really enjoyed being with him but I made sure to keep my heart guarded until I was sure that we were going to be a family. This time around my heart is wide open!

I understand the process better and I trust our adoption worker.

I spent the day being giddy and calling loved ones (so much for work!). I started nesting immediately. We went and got a crib, put it together, and put sheets and a crib skirt on it. We haven’t even met her yet, but I’m over the moon!

Hopefully, things will go well at the medical disclosure meeting and we’ll have a new addition to our family soon.