I just got a letter in the mail saying that the insurance policy that my grandfather purchased for me needed to have the contact information updated. What?
It turns out that he purchased the policy when I was 4 years old. My grandparents and great grandparents bought me savings bonds and tried to make sure that I would have a good start in life. They loved me.
I’m not saying this to say that if you don’t do those things, you don’t love your kids. I’m saying it to say that … they loved me and showed it by doing things that would make my life easier.
I am doing the same for my kids by purchasing them stock and contributing to their college savings plans. I hope my kids feel loved when they realize that we have been plotting on giving them a good life since before they were born.
Today, we decided to make a holiday craft art project for the grands. It was really easy, super cheap and incredibly cute!
1 sheet of white cardstock ($0.55)
1 roll of clearance ribbon ($0.99)
1 tube art paint ($0.70)
1 red marker (we already had in a marker set)
1 hole punch (we already had)
We started out by painting the baby’s feet with green paint:
Then we stood the baby up and made sure that the heels overlapped:
Then we punched two holes near the heels, colored in three circles to look like berries and tied the ribbon through the carstock and made a bow:
Lastly, we hung the finished product in the hallway:
Wow! I never even thought about grandparents suing for visitation of adopted kids. Anyone can sue anyone else so even if the case gets thrown out or you win you’ll still have to hire an attorney, take time of off work, etc.
While reading up on foster care adoption, and things to be careful of, I came across a post on a board about adoptive parents being sued for adoption by the biological grandparents. I had no idea what even after you adopt a kid from foster care, the biological grandparents could come along and sue the adoptive parents! This is just more fear to put on my list about adoption.Anyhoo … you might want to consider that as well.
In California, our laws say:
Under California law, a grandparent can ask the court for reasonable visitation with a grandchild. To give a grandparent reasonable visitation with a grandchild, the court has to:
- Find that there was a pre-existing relationship between grandparent and grandchild that has “engendered a bond.” This means that there is such a bond between grandparent and grandchild that visitation is in best interest of the grandchild. AND
- Balance the best interest of the child in having visitation with a grandparent with the rights of the parents to make decisions about their child.
In general, grandparents cannot file for visitation rights while the grandchild’s parents are married. But there are exceptions, like:
The parents are living separately;
A parent’s whereabouts are unknown (and have been for at least a month);
One of the parents joins the grandparent’s petition for visitation;
The child does not live with either of his or her parents; or
The grandchild has been adopted by a stepparent.
So I’m reading all of these articles about how adoption starts from loss and I’m thinking about the loss of the parent for the child. I’m thinking about the loss of the child for the parent. It never occurred to me that there was a loss for me (because we’re not infertile) and it never occurred to me that there was a loss for His parents.
I never thought about the fact that His parents may have been plotting on some biological grandkids that we have chosen not to deliver on. I never thought that they might be upset. Or sad. Or … or … anything. I hadn’t really considered that they were part of the equation.
Sometimes I’m really an ass.
We’re pretty close to his parents. We go over there at least once a week. They know that we are adopting, but I’ve left it to Him to talk with them about it. I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea. He talks to his mother, but not his father. I talk with his father, but haven’t really brought up the tough discussions about the adoption. Every now and again we get into arguments about Latinos (of which I am one), sexism (of which I’m totally against), LGBTQ issues (of which I’m staunchly an advocate for) and a myriad of other things that didn’t seem like big things until now.
I’m afraid that if we don’t talk about these things now there will be some ugliness later. I’m afraid to bring them up now because his family’s style is to be passive-aggressive where my family’s style is to be up-front. Our styles clash and there have been interactions that have left us incommunicado for weeks at a time. Ugh.
I’m not sure what to do. Do I bring things up now and get it over with or wait until later and hope that it isn’t as bad as I think it might be?
Today is Grandparents Day!
In honor of today being Grandparents Day I’ve put together a short list of sites that might be interesting for those of us that have kids or are still in our process to have kids.
A website for the origins of Grandparents Day.
However you choose to love, appreciate, or remember grandparents today … remember that it’s important to recognize how much our gandparents shaped us into the people we are today. If you still have Grandparents around to help shape your kids … give them an extra hug today.
This photo is not of our family, but I love how the grandparents are chilling with the kids.
Soooo … He told his parents on Saturday. I wasn’t there. He said that they took it well. They didn’t ask too many questions. I’m not sure if that means that they are on board or if it means that they were taken aback and didn’t know what to say.
I read this article When Your Kids Adopt about Grandparents and adoption that I wanted to share. It has a lot of good tips for Granparents, but the best part was
Sara Lief, a grandmother of nine in Summit, N.J., whose son and daughter-in-law have adopted two children from China, says she can’t remember how she felt when she first heard that the couple planned to adopt, but she does remember this: “What one thinks or has thought is almost quickly obliterated by the joy of the adopted child.” As with the arrival of any other new child, “the role of the grandparent is to be supportive.”
I also came across this article that mentioned some things I didn’t think about (like the Grandparents will also be asked question about adoption). I printed it to put in my adoption folder. Here’s my favorite quote from this article:
In the words of one adoptive grandfather: “Every child gladdens your heart. What happens after a child comes into the family is just as important as how they arrived into it.” This is where you, both a parent and grandparent, come in. Congratulations. You are in on it now, too.
Does anyone have any suggestions of books, magazine, etc. that I can share with them?