I just received an email saying that our baby has a new worker. Our first baby went through three social workers before finally being transferred over to adoptions so the email didn’t surprise me at first. She said that she needed to see the baby before the end of the month (that’s in like … four days) and asked if we could drive out to her office.
We have nothing booked for the next few days, so driving out there isn’t an issue … but instead of replying, I just kept staring at the email … and then I saw it.
Instead of her signature line saying foster care (or something like it), it says “Adoptions”. I was really hoping that we’d have the same adoption worker as last time. I love her! She’s experienced, we have a similar parenting style, and she’s honest about what’s coming up and the time frames that we should expect. This lady might be cool too but …. I was really hoping to work with that same lady again. She called about our first placement. She met us at the hospital. She came and snuggled the baby for hours on end. She called about our second placement. She encouraged us to do our due diligence. She advised us on transitioning the baby from her foster placement to our house … it’s only right that she be there at this finalization too.
Ahhhh … so goes the adoption from foster care roller coaster.
Our adoption worker had to present a case at a regional meeting and she chose ours! I wrote up a little about experience and she presented it at the meeting. I guess it went well because I just received this phone message from her supervisor:
I just wanted to say thank you for sending that right up over about your experience. I had an opportunity tonight or today to share that with all of our our entire region, and it was received very well everyone has a really pleased and excited for your daughter and for your son, and really just excited to have you guys as a part of our team as well, so thank you again for the ride up, and thank you for loving on these babies.
Isn’t that cool? We don’t do anything special in our house. I tend to think our home is full of chaos (2 babies and a HUGE pup!) and craziness. We do babywear, use baby-led weaning, and other crunchy tactics but mostly we just chill with our family. It’s good to hear that though our family isn’t perfect, and is a bit small and broken, it’s good … yeah … still good.
While on the road we got a call saying that this person was the baby’s new social worker and that she’d arrive at our house at 2pm. Really?
#1 We weren’t in the city.
#2 Regular people have jobs so even if we were in the city, wouldn’t she have assumed that we’d be at work?
Anyhoo … I called her back and we decided that she’d come this morning at 8:30am. We got in at 9pm last night and were up early this morning straightening up for this new social worker.
The door bell range around 8:45am. We open the door to find … a different social worker. Apparently, our new social worker was busy and sent this other person to do her monthly visit. This is the baby’s third social worker (emergency – LOVED!, transitional – she was okay, finalization – still have to find out) and, as I understand it, this one should be his last one. I am really glad that this one is not his regular one. Ugh!
She persisted upon touching his face and mussing his hair …. grabbing his feet. It was so uncomfortable. I know that her job is to check on him, but it was so difficult for me not to snatch him back from her. Is this normal? What kind of touching does your social worker do when they visit?
The baby’s social worker came by today. She said that she hopes it will be the last time that she sees us. The termination of parental rights hearing is coming up in January. If everything proceeds like we think it will, then parental rights will be terminated and we’ll move on to the formal adoption.
I really, really, really liked the team that we had in place but because the foster-adopt process is moving along one of our workers had to change. We still have our adoption worker, but his social worker was an emergency social worker (the person that removes children) and now he has a back-end social worker. She said that she’ll be with us until October when his termination of parental rights hearing and 6 month review hearing is. After that we’ll only have our adoption worker.
With the first team, I would send photos and silly videos periodically because I wanted to share those special moments with them. I’m not sure what relationship I’ll have with the new social worker.
She came over and saw the baby yesterday. She was …. okay. It seemed like she wasn’t as interested/emotionally involved as the other worker. We’ll only have her until October so I guess we shouldn’t get involved either, but …. I miss his old social worker already.
When we finalize I’m going to invite the original team.
The first part of our adoption home study from foster care is scheduled for March 18th. I’m not sure what’s to come. At least for our home inspection we had a checklist. Now … we have nada ….
Soooo … last night was class #8 in a series of 11 adoption classes from our county (we’re doing foster-adopt). One of the social workers was explaining that if you have a child that has visits with one or both parents, the child may act out after the visit. She went on to explain that regardless of how the visits affected the child, the child would have to see the parent. Regardless of how the visits effected the family, the child would have to see the parent. If the behaviors were severe enough, and after multiple visits, then the child could be referred to a therapist. The only person that is allowed to suspend or stop visits is the judge.
I wanted to be sure that I was understanding what she said, because that sounded 1) stupid 2) cruel and 3) unreasonable to me. I very politely raised my hand, considered how to ask my question and started my sentence by saying, “What I understood from what you said is … ”
So far I thought I was on the right path … but I said something to the affect of, “So you’re tellling us that we just have to suck it up” and it was ON! The woman became visibly upset. She responded, “No. You don’t have to suck it up. You … ..” and then said exactly what I said but without that phrase. She was
One of my biggest issues is that I speak my mind and I don’t pull punches. I call things as I see them. Not everyone appreciates my candor. Lol
Oh well …. we only have 3 more adoption classes. Hopefully, I can finish the series without getting into
a fist-fight an argument with the instructors! Lol